A Baker's Dozen of Do's and Don't's for Marathoners

Now that I've run ten marathons, I think I have enough experience and status to express a few opinions and advice I have to give to other runners.

1. Don't run with an iPod. Be a rule follower. iPods are no longer allowed on race courses. Plus when you drop your iPod on the ground and stop to pick it up, I won't be very happy with you when I have to put on the brakes and stop mid-stride and almost run into you.

2. Don't talk loudly with your running buddy so everyone else can hear. I don't want to hear your excuse as to why you are running slower than you usually do because you have been working so hard that you haven't had time to train. I don't want to hear you, Mr. Assistant District Attorney, bragging about the criminal case you are working on. If you can talk that loudly and expend that much energy when you are running, you should stop talking and run faster.

3. Do not sprint at the start of the race because I will pass you later on when you are walking and you are suffering and wondering how you are going to get to the finish line.

4. It is okay to laugh and joke around at the beginning of the marathon, but don't overdo it because I will pass you later on when you are very quiet, running very slowly, and look sad.

5. Do no slap your feet hard on the pavement when you are going downhill. I wonder what your quads feel like the next day.

6. They put porta potties on the course for a reason. Do not wait until you are a quarter mile past the porta potties and then run into the bushes. That is rude and disgusting.

7. If you are running 26.2 miles and you are breathing that loud and heavy at mile 2, you are not prepared to run a marathon.

8. If you are weaving in and out and left to right through all the runners, you are probably going to run 28 to 30 miles instead of 26.2.

9. If you have a fuel belt on with six bottles and ten gels, you are overprepared, especially if you are only running half of the marathon.

10. Just like you don't tailgate when you are driving a car, don't do it when you are running either.

11. You know why you are walking in pain at mile 24? Because you tried to run a marathon bare foot! Put some shoes on! Barefoot running is for grass or the beach!

12. There are ten tables with water and sport drinks at the aide stations. Don't stop at the first one! There's plenty for everyone!

13. When you blow snot out of your nose or spit, please be so kind as to move to the side of the road so you don't spray others with your bodily fluids. Thank you!